99 problèmes, zéro trophées.
Outside of sleeping, eating, and driving, I've spent the last 12 hours listening to one song, endlessly looping. Repeating. Replaying. It's called Masamune Problems and it's a mashup (hey kids, mashups* are still around!) of Jay-Z and the soundtrack to Chrono Trigger. So that's about one listen to for each of the 99 problems that Shawn Carter's got. There's a whole album of this, but this one song is the Bayern Munich of the offering - head and shoulders well above the rest.
Let's reemphasize that last point: Bayern Munich are absolutely and irresistibly ridiculous. It is now clear that the events of May 19th have angered the football gods to no end - for the universe had fallen out of balance; fixing it required swift, deific, decisive action. And so a plague of a thousand interim rafatations has been unleashed on Chelsea as punishment, while Bayern have been infused with the strength of a thousand Schweinsteiger-unicorn-tears as well as all the future Guardiolas as reward.
Now, if the wanton destruction of Arsenal sounds just a bit too graphic (although only a few zippers were harmed, I assure you), there's always the wholesome entertainment of one Lucas Piazon and Malaga, who look to overcome a 1-0 defeat in Portugal to FC Porto. Or, there's the entirely harmless (football-like substance optional!) FA Cup replay of miserable midtable Championship sides Blackburn Rovers and Millwall - the winner may even have a decent chance of getting to the final thanks to that lovely Wigan draw.
* as far as I'm concerned, mashups went out of style with Danger Mouse's Grey Album (and specifically What More Can I Say) - it simply doesn't get better than that
Which game are you more interested in today?
Malaga/Porto (64 votes)
Bayern/Arsenal (96 votes)
160 total votes