After yesterday's showing, I think it's time for Abramovich to step in and send in the big guns: Alec Baldwin. Send Baldwin to deliver some motivation.

Put That Coffee Down (via George Jefferson)

Baldwin: You're name's Torres? You call youself a striker, you son of a [gun]?

Benitez: I don't gotta listen to this [stuff].

Baldwin: You certainly don't, pal. The good news is you're fired. The bad news you've got one game, just one game, to regain your job, starting with Southampton. Oh. Have I got you're attention now? You've got games. Abramovich paid good money to get you these games, so WIN them. If you can't close games you're given, if you can't win [stuff], YOU ARE [STUFF]! HIT THE BRICKS, PAL, AND BEAT IT BECAUSE YOU ARE OUT! I've been in this business...

Torres: What's you're name?

Baldwin: [FUN] YOU! THAT'S my name. You know why, mister? Because you cost 50 million pounds and can't even run past the geriatric central defense of the sorry excuse of a team that QPR put out. THAT'S my name. (turns to the rest of the team) And your name is "You're Wanting," and you can't play in the man's game? You can't beat QPR? Go home, and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: DO. NOT. DROP. POINTS. TO. [FUNNING]. QPR. EVER.

All coffee has been removed from Cobham until further notice.