So, here's the deal. None of us know how good at football Brooklyn Beckham is, and since he's a 13-year-old kid the only way you could possibly be interested in the news that the youngster is currently at Cobham on trial with Chelsea is if you have a weird fetish for every written word ever printed about David Beckham.

That's celebrity culture and it's weird and I don't get it, but it's what's going on today so gosh darn it I'll write a few words. You've presumably grasped that Brooklyn Beckham is the first child of former Manchester United and England midfielder David Beckham, who is... very popular, as it turns out. I'm slightly surprised that Brooklyn's not on trial at United instead, but honestly, this could be any famous kid and it'd all amount to the same I-don't-careness. Decent bloodlines only count for so much.

I can't believe I just wrote 146 words about Brooklyn Beckham. I shall now commit ritual suicide for having shamed my family.