So what you're telling me is that Chelsea loses 4-1?
Um, what was that all about? Ouch.
A group of incompetents posing as Chelsea Football Club surfaced in Monaco on Friday night, and were promptly played off the park by Atletico Madrid. No UEFA Super Cup for the Chels then, a 4-1 setback at the Stade Louis II leaving most of the Chelsea-supporting Twitter world in a hissy fit.
Radamel Falcao was sublime. Chelsea were, well embarrassing.
The Columbian added something like £20 million to his value (not really, he has a buyout clause) thanks to a superb first-half hat trick - the first three-piece in a Super Cup since UEFA switched to a one-match format in 1998. Atletico added a fourth midway through the second, a goal so laughable in its simplicity that I lack the words to describe it. Let's just say we continued our night's slapstick ruotine of not giving a ****.
Chelsea pulled a goal back through Gary Cahill on 75 minutes, but it meant little. Of course, we weren't done. David Luiz nearly capped an appalling night with a hilarious own goal in stoppage time, but, alas, his rushed clearance ricoheted off the far post and, fortunately for our defense, out of play. That was it. Thank goodness.
Yeah, it was bad. Thankfully, for Chelsea, this match was nothing more than an exhibition. Time to move on - quickly. Anyway, check out the bullets below for more of my initial thoughts. As for you, hit up the comments section with your feelings on this mess. Remember, keep it clean, friends.
- Regarding the opening half - is farcical too strong a word? I don't really think so. Sure, this mach was nothing more than a grand exhibition that meant little in the grand scheme of things, but, who cares, Chelsea were bloody awful. The side hasn't looked that poor since Napoli away. Or was it Everton in February? Or Anfield late last season? Either way, this was not a fun way to spend an evening. The defense was strained throughout, with Luiz and Branislav Ivanovic looking particularly out of sorts.
- Speaking of Ivanovic, what on earth? He was consistently out of position in the opening 30 minutes. Filipe Luis exposed his lack of path to the utmost. Luiz, meanwhile, looked disinterested at best. And what of Ramires? Wow.
- John Obi Mikel was forced to do the work of two midfielders in the first half. I don't believe Frank Lampard ever deboarded the plane to Monaco.
- Isn't it funny (not really) how there seems to be a direct correlation in how this team plays in meaningless games versus must-wins? Roberto Di Matteo certainly knows how to, and how not to, motivate this side.
- Radamel Falcao. My word. No disrespect to the Nando, but that's what £50 million is supposed to get you. In truth, Falcao could have finished the opening half with five goals; he was twice denied by the crossbar from close range. In short, he was scintillating. Those first two goals were of a different class. Chelsea had absolutely no answer for his skill. A release clause of £47m? SIGN HIM UP.
- Chelsea received €2.2m to participate in this exhibition between champions. Plus, you know, the guys got to hang out in Moncao with Le Chiffre for a bit. So, basically Chelsea got paid a nice fee to not show up and do some elitist socializing. Think about that for a second, smile and then forget this debacle ever happened. You're welcome.