A racism trial is no laughing matter, of course, but this one seems to be a bizarre parody of the UK's justice system and it's only getting more surreal today. First of all, dozens of statements from Chelsea players about John Terry's lack of racism were read (I was slightly disappointed to hear that David Luiz's was not "HELLO GEEZERS! I LOVE TERRY. ENJOY THE LIFE!") and then Jose Mourinho did an Inigo Montoya impression except without the killing people part.

Then we had this:

QC tday asked John Terry how many times he'd been sent off. "Can you say, please? Four times?" JT answered: "Please, please, please, please"

— Paul Waugh (@paulwaugh) July 11, 2012

Paul Waugh's biography looks both impressive and reasonably serious, but I was taking that as an onionesque joke until...

I wasn't making up John Terry's '4 pleases' gaffe btw. The court fell about laughing.

— Paul Waugh (@paulwaugh) July 11, 2012

I'm still not sure whether or not this actually happened, because my brain is refusing to accept something this ludicrous, but if it did this trial has descended into the realms of the absolutely absurd. Just when you thought that a competitive lip-reading contest couldn't get any more ridiculous.

And if that's not real, it's pretty funny anyway.