"I was just trying to help a geezer out!"
David Luiz nearly made himself into a Newcastle hero by attempting to sacrifice himself in order to save Steven Taylor's season, Alan Pardew has claimed in a deranged interview following his side's 4-2 loss away to Norwich. During Chelsea's 3-0 win at whatever they're currently calling St. James's Park, the Brazilian centre half, fully aware that facing eleven men on the pitch would be too difficult for Newcastle's centre back pairing to get through unscathed, attempted to get himself sent off to prevent the 25-year-old's Achilles tendon from snapping like a dried twig trampled by a rampaging Didier Drogba.
Unfortunately for Taylor, David Luiz was unable to reach whole new pinnacles of altruism, as his fourth-minute foul on a suspiciously offside-looking Demba Ba didn't result in a red card at all. The good deed was thwarted by referee Mike Dean, who somehow saw fit to give only a yellow. Thus Taylor was injured, Fabricio Coloccini was injured, and Newcastle United's season was ruined. At least, according to Alan Pardew:
Steven Taylor put more effort into that game than any other he's played this season. Maybe that was a factor in him getting an Achilles injury? If they had 10 men he might not need to work so hard. That was my point [when I made my first ill-conceived rant].
Because we were forcing and pressurising the game there was a factor of that and it's foolish to ignore that.
Incidentally, Google translating that mess from English to French and back again gives you "I am a huge deluded knobhead"*.
*This is a lie.
Andre Villas-Boas has challenged this narrative, because he's not pants-on-head crazy. Chelsea's manager claims, perhaps rationally, that although the call did end up going Chelsea's way and perhaps had an impact on the match, it's ludicrous to assign blame for a season-ending injury simply based on the fact that someone wasn't sent off and a football match was played eleven vs. eleven.
I suppose we should take it as a compliment that Taylor, a fine centre half and one who I'm genuinely sad got hurt while playing against us, was forced to put more effort into this match than any other, especially considering that the previous two games Newcastle had player were against the Manchester teams at the Etihad Superoil Tanker and Old Trafford. However, it is difficult to take Alan Pardew (a manager I have no problem with otherwise) seriously when he's spouting this nonsense, and that fact that's he's complaining about Villas-Boas calling him out on his previous whiny statement makes it all the more annoying. I mean, check this out:
When you have a victory, it's nice to be a bit more respectful and a bit more honourable, by just saying, 'well OK we won the game but decisions went our way'. That's what I did at Manchester United (where Newcastle earned a draw thanks to a poor decision to award the Magpies a penalty).
That's what Alan Pardew wanted from Andre Villas-Boas, right? Well here's what our manager said immediately after the game:
[The David Luiz tackle] was a major incident for sure. The decision went our way, and I can understand if Alan [Pardew] isn't happy about it.
Our manager has taken some flak for his recent outbursts directed at the media (personally I think he needs to work on his English-language sense of humour!), but at least he isn't coming across like as much of a lunatic as Pardew is. I mean, I could continue pointing out the insanity of his stance, but I think my point's been pretty clearly made. Against Newcastle Chelsea were perhaps fortunate to stay with eleven men on the pitch. Some players got hurt. Nobody likes to see that, but blaming injuries on the refereeing is completely perverse.
Shut up and buy a new defender, Alan. How would you like an Alex?