How did this slip through the cracks?

Steven Gerrard - really? - has reached meltdown in his estranged love affair with Joey Cole. Beloved Steven reckons Joey is not just the bee's knees, but actually one of the world's most brilliant footballing minds. Now perhaps we can understand where Coley is coming from with such ludicrous contract demands.

BFFs.

Gerrard is quoted in an edition of last week's Mirror comparing dear Joe to, yes, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.

"Joe Cole does some amazing stuff in training," Gerrard is quoted as saying in the Mirror. "He's as good as Messi or Ronaldo on the ball, and he'll give any player a run for their money when it comes to tricks."

Wait, what? Those seeking further evidence of Gerrard's demise, at least mentally, following Liverpool's dismal season need not look any more. I mean, I love me some Joe Cole - as long as it's for under 100K - but what is this man on about?